Do you ever feel like God is calling you deeper? Maybe He has purposes for your life but your scared or feel intimidated to pursue a dream or something you feel He has placed on your heart. I know I do. Everyday. I am just an ordinary, timid girl without a fancy title or degree. I came across an old journal last week and found pages I had written after returning from South Africa. I was so burdened to do something but felt so unqualified. In my journal I wrote that I felt I should just do God a favor, step aside and let someone else serve in my place who would be better qualified. Who was I think I could accomplish very much. And you know what....I can't. Not apart from Christ. What I thought was a form of being humble was actually not believing Jesus to be who He says He is. I believe God has a place for each of us in His story. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. And as Christians we are ALL called. But first we have to surrender our lives to Him and trust His sovereignty. This can be so hard! There have been so many times over the years I have seen God moving then other times life seemed at a standstill. LOTS of waiting. Days that seemed mundane where I felt I should be doing more. But now I see that God was shaping me, molding me, making me. We must often go into the dark room until His image is forged in us. I wouldn't trade that time for the world. He never deserted me and was drawing me closer to Him. The more I draw in closer the more I know that my future is secure in Him. Everywhere I turn lately he seems to gently keep nudging me to risk, surrender, step out of my comfort zone so that He can replace fear with true faith. Because it isn't really faith unless it looks a little bit like fear. I love this from Jesus Calling...
Be willing to go out on a limb with Me. If that is where I am leading you, it is the safest place to be. Your desire to live a risk-free life is a form of unbelief. Your longing to live close to Me is at odds with your attempts to minimize risk. You are approaching a crossroads in your journey. In order to follow Me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your tendency to play it safe.
Let Me lead you step by step through this day. If your primary focus is on Me, you can walk along perilous paths without being afraid. Eventually, you will learn to relax and enjoy the adventure of our journey together. As long as you stay close to Me, My sovereign Presence protects you wherever you go.
I am just an ordinary girl who has decided to go for it. It's a bit scary to even sing "Oceans" as a prayer because to have faith without borders is to leave everything in His hands. That means a lot of unknowns. I am as analytical as they come, a control freak and always want a plan. So this is totally opposite my normal character. But what have I got to lose but everything and in exchange gain a new understanding of true depth and faith in a Sovereign God. May He shut and open doors so that I may live out the rest of my life in the way that will most glorify Him. Oh how this is my hearts cry but I struggle to claim it just the same. My human nature wants safety, security, money in the bank, a comfortable life.
I found a poem two days ago from a journal from high school which hit me like a ton of bricks. It made me think about Paul who was in chains and Joseph who was sold into slavery and ended up in prison but all for the sake of Christ. Surrendering to Jesus doesn't always mean a bed of roses. For many in the bible it meant giving up comfort, familiarity, family. Am I willing to do just that if it means others may come to know Christ. I feel this is what God keeps asking me just as He did Peter. "Do you love me?" Then feed my sheep.
Obedience
By George MacDonald
(1824-1905)
I said: “Let me walk in the fields.”
He said: “No, walk in the town.”
I said: “There are no flowers there.”
He said: “No flowers, but a crown.”
I said: “But the skies are black;
There is nothing but noise and din.”
And He wept as He sent me back –
“There is more,” He said; “there is sin.”
I said: “But the air is thick,
And fogs are veiling the sun.”
He answered: “Yet souls are sick,
And souls in the dark undone!”
I said: “I shall miss the light,
And friends will miss me, they say.”
He answered: “Choose tonight
If I am to miss you or they.”
I pleaded for time to be given.
He said: “Is it hard to decide?
It will not seem so hard in heaven
To have followed the steps of your Guide.”
I cast one look at the fields,
Then set my face to the town;
He said, “My child, do you yield?
Will you leave the flowers for the crown?”
Then into His hand went mine;
And into my heart came He;
And I walk in a light divine,
The path I had feared to see.
Each of us has our own preferred places and situations. So our forms of obedience and resistance will look different. That is the beauty of it because we all have unique callings on our lives. God doesn't need us but He wants us. Our lives are just a vapor and they weren't meant to be lived safe or risk free. Life is not wreckage to be saved out of the world but an investment to be used in the world.
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