Courtney and I have been home from our first trip to
Ethiopia to visit Nara for 1 week now, and it would be an understatement to say
that we miss her. There are still so many thoughts and emotions running through
our minds when looking back at our time with Nara. We hope to have her home for
good in 3-6 weeks. I guess until now, we haven’t given it very much thought as
to how we would need to adjust to meet Nara’s physical and emotional needs once
we have her in our home. We tend to get so caught up in the idea of the
situation that we fail to face the reality of it at the same time.
Nara has experienced a lot of pain in her very short 3 years
of life on earth…poverty, abandonment, orphanage life, and being transplanted
now four times (including us) to different caregivers just to name a few. For
those of you in the adoption “circle” you’ll know what I’m talking about when I
mention the word “cocooning”, but for those outside the circle you’re
wondering, “What do butterflies have to do with adoption?” Cocooning is the
strategy that many adoption resources suggest to facilitate bonding and
attachment once you bring an adopted child into your home. It basically
consists of keeping her at home with us for the first 6-8 weeks of being home
from Ethiopia, with very minimal outside visitors or outings. It also means
that Courtney and I would be the only ones allowed to hold, feed, bathe,
clothe, comfort, console, and meet her needs during the 6-8 week period.
Some of you may be thinking, “That sounds crazy! You shouldn’t
isolate her or shelter a kid like that.” Just a few weeks ago, I would have
agreed with you, but after meeting my daughter and getting a glimpse of the
world that she’s known so far in her lifetime, I’m beginning to see the
benefits of this “cocooning” idea. Nara needs to know that for the first time
in her life what a family is and what it means to trust. She needs a calm and
minimal-stress environment that she’s never experienced up until this point.
Most of the memories or ideas that she currently has of family or parents are
negative. She’s been passed from caregiver to caregiver which obviously creates
confusion for her as to whom she should trust to meet her needs. She needs the
chance at a “fresh” emotional start to bond and attach to the parents that God
had planned for her since before time.
With that being said, I’d like to layout the “Game Plan”
that Courtney and I plan to put into place once we get Nara home.
First off, let me say that we KNOW that everyone
(friends/family) have been praying and waiting on this moment for a long time.
We can’t express to you all how much your prayers and encouragement have meant
to us along the way. In fact, once we get her home, we’ll need that prayer and
encouragement more than ever. This plan of action is not meant to shelter Nara
or to keep her from all of you that so badly want to meet her and love her.
Just trust us, if she healthily bonds to Courtney and I, her bond to you will
be all the healthier. So please trust and respect our decision on how we’ll
handle our first weeks/months home with Nara. The decisions we are making are
based solely off the advice of experts and families who have gone before us.
Ultimately, these decisions are being made to keep Nara’s best interests in
mind… which is why we started this process in the first place.
We plan to implement
our “game plan” for at least the first 6-8 weeks after arriving home with Nara.
We will eliminate all unnecessary outings and activities during this time
period. We will allow limited visitors during this crucial time. Courtney and I
will be the ONLY ones to hold, feed, clothe, bathe, comfort, console, and show
excessive affection to Nara during this phase. This is not to shelter or “hog”
Nara but to eliminate all possible confusion as to whom her parents are.
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| Nara after a mini "meltdown". |
Ryan/Courtney
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